Your Smiles Make Me Smile

If you really want to get the most out of my blog, it's best to start with the first post written in July to the present since some blogs refer back to earlier posts; but any order is just fine... Thanks for visiting! Now scroll on down to the good news! ~Renae~

Saturday, March 17, 2012

WE MAKE PLANS AND THE UNIVERSE LAUGHS

I had it all figured out. I was going to make a "Power to the Women of Cancer" video. I do that a lot; I direct movies in my own mind.  They always start with a victim and end with a song like the theme to Rocky.  But this one would be spectacular, I was going to strut into Supercuts and have my head shaved since my hair had started to fall out.  I would be dressed to kill, with over sized hoop earrings, a black choker, and leather boots. Lots of smokey grey eye shadow. I would strut in, say "Just do it!" and strut out like a woman in control of her life.  "Bad to the Bone" would be playing as I strutted out of Supercuts. I even bought the video camera for the event, and put a call into George Thorogood's agent for permission to use the song (he didn't return the call).

But it didn't happen that way.  Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night breathing in fallen strands of hair that had landed onto my pillow.  I took a shower, and all I can tell you without too much detail, was that  it was as though I was the star of my own horror flick. I literally began to gag and dry heave.  I called Supercuts and told them I was on my way.  It was pouring rain out and I didn't have a chance to call my daughters who were going to go with me and be there when it was time to shave my head.  I just ran out the door with my baseball cap on.  I turned the car on.  The radio came on with the one song I probably didn't want to hear at that moment..."Celebrate, good times, c'mon! There's a party going on right here...a celebration, to last throughout the year."  I quickly turned it off. My gas tank was below empty, but I didn't care, I took a chance on an empty tank and went without stopping.  Thankfully, I got there and I only had to wait a few minutes.  No one else was waiting, and there were no children in the salon, which is a good thing, because unlike the video in my mind, I was sobbing elephant tears. I was not strutting, nor feeling empowered.

I sat in the chair and said "take it all off" to the stylist.  I closed my eyes.  I felt the electric razor with every stroke, the hair falling.  I bit my bottom lip.  "Wow!" She exclaimed, "You have a perfect head!"  I was grateful for that comment.  So very very grateful. I opened my eyes, and honestly, I look sort of like a martian, but not a scary martian, just a martian.  She asked if she could give me a hug, and I was grateful for that too.  I wasn't alone.  I was relieved for the hug, and to have the haircut over with. 

That was it. In less than two minutes, I was bald. Still me.  Just a bald me.  Bad to the bone wasn't playing in the background. I didn't have my leather boots or my smokey grey eyeshadow on.  But I strutted out nevertheless. Sometimes, that's all we can do.

Sweet Dreams And Always GOOD Dreams,
~Renae~

p.s.  ...And when you feel like you can't hold your head up, strut anyway.

14 comments:

Mrcarparts said...

You.. look... SEXY hot! Richard is a lucky man!

awana tell you a story said...

I have been following your writing. think you're very brave woman. just like my mother. 1 day I'll be brave enough to blog about it like you going through. she use to say hair is just vanitiy. and I am much greater.
So are you.... keep your chin up

renaedarlene said...

Thank you Jamie, your comments mean so much to me. I think of you often. Luv, Renae

renaedarlene said...

Mrcarparts, you always make me smile! :)

Unknown said...

Strut, lady, go with your perfect head and a lovely smile. You may be the bravest person I know and I'm proud to know you. Sheila

renaedarlene said...

Awwweeee thank you Sheila. I don't know about brave, but I'm definitely feisty. :) Hugs, Renae

Kellie said...

Renae,

I know we haven't spoke since high school. But sweetie, you are still beautiful. Jamie told me about your blog. The both of us just figured out we both are blogging too. I guess everyone has their own battle.
You're writing is perfect. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. You will be in my prayers.

I have a blog on google also... it's
http://asiliveandbreathe-kellie.blogspot.com/

I hope we can keep in touch. You hang in there... you are still Beautiful!

renaedarlene said...

Awwweee Kellie, it's so wonderful to hear from you and yet, I am so sad that you are going through so much. You will also be in my prayers. I haven't blogged in a while, the chemo took me down hard and I landed in emergency twice...but I'll be back soon, and I will also be reading your blog. I just read a little and I love the honesty, the information, the realness of it...and I still see you just as beautiful as you were in high school - stay strong. ~Renae~

awana tell you a story said...

love you too.... keeping you both in my prayers.... living life and taking nothing for granted anymore..

renaedarlene said...

"Nothing for granted..." that should be our motto. :)

Alicia said...

I'm sorry, Renae, I just saw this. I had been checking an old link you gave me which was taking me back a month or so. I figured out how to move around a bit just now. You do have a beautifully round head. You continue to amaze me and always make me laugh through the tears in my eyes. Thank you dear friend, and keep being YOU!!!

renaedarlene said...

Thank you Alicia!

You are also a dear friend to me and have been one of the many that has never stopped holding my hand through all of this. xxxxxxx Renae

mama! said...

I So admire your courage! wonderful woman you are!

renaedarlene said...

Awwweee Mama, thank you! That means so much to me!