I love to sing. If I could stand on a stage and sing my heart out for the world, I would sing. There is one enormous problem, however. I can't carry a tune. I'm not being dramatic, it's just that until the world hints to you on so many levels that you are tone deaf, we are all born thinking our voices are beautiful; and then, reality strikes.
Mid-December, 7th grade at Cristel's house. Our "group" of girlfriends had all gotten together to meet with the intention of perfecting the Christmas songs that we would be caroling with, door-to-door . We were going to be good! We were going to make people smile as they opened their doors the week before Christmas, with the snow gently falling in light fluffy flakes while their eyes twinkled with the warmth of our angelic voices. Yes, we and we alone would bring spirit to their homes and hearts....and so, we practiced while Kelly played the piano. Suddenly, the music stopped. Kelly stood up and declared with disappointment "Someone is singing out of tune!" Quickly I eyeballed my surroundings, wondering who in this crowd could have possibly been singing out-of-tune. With my friends, who played the piano and had voice lessons and sang in the talent shows, how could this be possible? My brain did the math. It couldn't have been Kelly, Dawn, or Cristel, nor Darcy, Lori, or Liz. By sheer deduction that left one person; me. My heart sank. My friends were kind enough not to point me out, but we continued to give it another run and I did what any 13 year old girl would do who didn't want her secret out; I lip synched.
Fast forward to the happiest days of raising my two little girls. My precious little girls who were barely ten months apart and loved to sing and dance just as I did. In all of the innocence that children have, and honesty, and lack of brain filters when they first learn to form sentences, the devastation came again. I was singing, barreling as though I was Madonna on stage making the crowd beg for more when one of my daughters covered her ears and said "Stop singing mama!" Then the younger one followed the older one's lead "Stop it! You're hurting my ears!"
Well I would like to tell you that I quit singing and found an amazing hidden talent which had finally surfaced, giving the world a chance to stand and applaud while I left them wanting for more. That didn't happen. In fact, I never found any deep-rooted talent, but I also never quit singing. I sing, I hum with vigor in places where singing would be inappropriate (like at the public library), and on occasion I've been known to moon walk. But today, home alone with no one but my Beagles, I began singing to my heart's content. When I momentarily stopped I heard a loud "thump, thump, thump." I continued to sing. Again I heard "thump, thump, thump." As I was putting fresh towels into the hall closet, I looked down, and there was my Lillian, my beautiful sweet Beagle, laying on the cool tile, looking at me with the most adoring eyes waiting patiently for me to sing again. And so I did. "Thump, thump, thump, " she wagged her tail. She was delighted!
If for no one else but myself and my Lillian, I will continue to sing. Dogs don't know the difference and they love you anyway.
Good night and ALWAYS, GOOD dreams.