A Gardenia in October

It has been pouring all week; metaphorically anyway.  My spirit is shaken and quite honestly, I'm tired.  We all go through it at times, some more than others, only I'm the open book that talks about it.  Maybe it's therapeutic, maybe it's narcissistic, but it feels so good to tell you that I'm having a shitty week, oh and it's raining gloom and doom.

Those Cumulonimbus clouds are passing overhead; the only cloud I remember from a test I miserably failed in the sixth grade. A test I cried over because I had failed and was doomed to be a nobody, a disappointment to the family; the proof was on the paper, the "F" was on the test.  It's hard to imagine that children worry at such a young age and can be so vulnerable to defining themselves by their assumed failures rather than their many accomplishments.  I was that kid. It didn't matter that I walked 31 miles for the Walk For Hope in the 5th grade, or won the talent show with a puppet named Pepito, or that I was kind to animals.  Nope, I got an F.  I was the kid that FAILED.

I still cry when I think I have failed at something, and the rain comes out, and my love of the only cloud I know comes to mind.  Which I'm proud to know the name of.  "Cumulonimbus".  I have even delighted in pointing out Cumulonimbus clouds in the sky to my daughters, for the mere fact that it makes them think their mom is smart. C-u-m-u-l-o-n-i-m-b-u-s.  "Yup, it's going to rain, see that Cumulonimbus cloud in the sky?"  Little did they know I had flunked the cloud test....back in the sixth grade...which I have not forgotten. I wonder how many students that aced that test still remember any of the clouds?

I haven't been able to write lately; the words just aren't there...and as usual, I cry far too easily.  Did you know that scientific studies show that crying serves the important purpose of releasing toxic stress hormones from our system?  Women live longer because we cry.  Men should do that more often, it's good for the soul and the health.  If this is true, I should live to be about 200.

But I woke up today, and the sun was shining, at least overhead, and a lone Gardenia out of, one, two three, four, five....eleven Gardenia plants that I nurtured all summer, decided it was ready to bloom; and it's the end of October!!

Even when Cumulonimbus clouds are overhead, Gardenia's still bloom.  That's the good news.

Sweet Dreams and Always GOOD Dreams,
~Renae