REINDEER REBELS

It started several years ago.  Humping reindeer.  Proudly, I had decorated my house for Christmas with vibrant red ribbon wrapped carefully around each post of my porch to simulate candy canes, I hung flickering clear lights along both top and bottom, circling the lights around the porch railing for added effect.  I added red bows for enhancement.  Then, as a final touch, I spent hours hooking up my moving reindeer, trying to figure which cord plugged into which and why when all the cords were plugged in only one of the reindeer was lit, only one moved it’s head, and there were left over cords with no place to connect. 

Year after year of head scratching and wondering if the neighbors were peeking through their blinds in judgment of my reindeer incompetence, I finally got smart.  I labeled each plug “A-E” with each counterpart labeled with the same letter.  I used indelible ink (smart girl that I am) so that it wouldn’t fade.  My plan worked, but then, eventually, half the light bulbs burned out.  Again, I used my good brain cells and outsmarted the “extra” bulbs that come in the little clear package with directions that can only be read by a 5x magnifying glass.  Really, I think it’s a conspiracy to make consumers feel embarrassed, and to ultimately throw away the “old” reindeer and buy new ones.  In the “Stott” family we have a saying…”Just because we’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get us.”

So, I did what any intelligent girl would do, I bought an extra long strand of lights and wrapped the strand with reckless abandon throughout the deer, and tossed  away those cruel little "excess" bulbs.  Finally, I have the Christmas deer down to a science.  However, this is where the personality difference comes in between Richard and me.  He would have figured out how the little bulbs worked and used that 5x magnifying glass until he knew exactly which light was the faulty one and which to replace.  He would have been systematic.  Me, I just wrapped the lights here and there, randomly, and wherever I could find a spot to stick the extra strand.  Some of the reindeer have bald spots, I admit, but some of them have extra lights on their moving heads, which makes for a bright face.  It works for me, nevertheless.

But then one night, a few years ago, the unthinkable happened….Richard and I came home from Christmas shopping and what to our wandering eyes would appear?  The reindeer were humping!  I laughed so hard, I almost peed.  I thought it was a great prank.  I wished I had thought of it.  Then I was reminded of the pranks I pulled when I was young, and enjoyed living vicariously through whomever these neighborhood pranksters were…but unlike the pranks I pulled, there was no reason to call the police, and so I kept laughing. Richard, on the other hand, didn’t take it so well…he was appalled.  “What’s wrong with kids these days?”  He snapped.  I had to remind him of the unmentionable things he did which he seemed to have forgotten.  “That’s still no excuse” he grumbled, sounding like my father.

Every year I have looked forward to the laughter brought on by the sneaky neighborhood pranksters, knowing they find delight in humping reindeer, only this year, something strange happened.  First, the reindeer were atop one another (humping), and I set them back up.  Then the little one appeared on the side of the doe, which was odd since with certainty, I had placed the fawn in the middle of both parents.  Lastly, the morning I was heading to my surgery with my daughter, I noticed that ALL the reindeer were facing the driveway.  She insisted I had put them that way.  "I know how I put my reindeer!" I snapped. But since I’m always considered to be short a few brain cells, I ceased to defend my position.

Then this week, just before taking my Christmas lights down (let it be known that it is not yet the end of January) the truth came out. My neighbor Susan pulled up in her SUV. “Renae…” she stated.  “There’s something I have to tell you!”  "Did I do something wrong? Have I not gotten out my thank-you cards quickly enough? Is she mad at me?" I wondered. 

“I was soooo mad the night before your surgery! It was 2:00 a.m. and I heard this noise, so I looked out my window and I saw the neighborhood kids messing with your reindeer!”  I laughed and was relieved that that's all it was.  “All I could think….,” she continued “was that there you were going into surgery and several kids were in your front yard doing this to you!”   Little had she known, this was my yearly joy. This had been one of those little things I could count on that would bring me laughter.  Then she stated that she was SO MAD she took a picture as proof of what those kids had done!

But, I was still puzzled.  “So, what I can’t figure out, is how did they all end up facing my driveway?”  “Oh that’s an easy one" she said.  "I marched right over to your house and put them all back.” 

And so, the good news is, I have not lost my mind; I have neighbors looking out for me; and I still manage to find joy in humping reindeer despite the fact that I’m supposed to be an adult. 

And so you deer humping rebels of the neighborhood…I know who you are, I know what you do and when you do it, and the proof...well it's clearly in the picture that my dear neighbor took while trying to protect me, but more likely in the sound of my laughter for reminding me of the joys of being young. 

Until next year....

Sweet Dreams and Always GOOD Dreams,
~Renae~